"What Should We Do?"

Below is a reflection to an event in a local school district - the district where my previous assignment is. It's a reflection of items that I've wrestled with ever since a friend and high school classmate of mine committed suicide in March of 1999.  It's not a perfect response (for, honestly, in moments like these, there is never the "perfect response"), just a reflection that has been mine in prayer and contemplation, especially over these last fourteen years. Please do not read the following as a "professional, psychological response", but, rather, as a reflection of a struggling Christian and Catholic priest who has known this type of sorrow and frustration in his own life.

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From reading certain posts on my Facebook account, I'm seeing that a high school senior - set to graduate in a number of days - committed suicide. 

A number of the parents are asking, "What should we do? There have been too many recently." And when the parents are taking note, that is saying something . . . but in the positive sense, albeit a little too late for one, but, hopefully, not for others. The parents commenting on Facebook, holding conversations back and forth with each other, are seeing something that is almost becoming a pandemic in their school district (and others) and in our society. And while some may say, "It's only one a year", that is definitely one more life that should never have been lost prematurely.

"What should we do?" We may never completely know or understand what is going through the mind of an individual when they choose to take their life. What we can do is to stop, say a prayer for the mercy of God to be with them, to pray for their family and friends, and to pray for all those who, at that moment, are contemplating suicide.

In the long run, I think that there are a few things we can do:

1. We - individuals, religious institutions, school districts, families, corporations, etc. - need to re-evaluate how we can learn to recognize any warning signs that an individual may be struggling with something difficult in their lives. I know that this, in-and-of-itself, is a most difficult task, since some people are able to mask very well the internal struggles that they are dealing with.

2.  As adults, assure our young people that there is NOTHING that they can bring to us to make us love them less. We need to encourage them to seek out somebody, ANYBODY, when it comes to working out a problem. Even if we don't have the answers, we may be able to point them to someone who does. And we need to re-emphasize that no one should ever be embarrassed in bringing a struggle to someone's attention (ours or someone else's). It could be that one action that ultimately saves a life.

3. We need to be people of love and compassion. Our society attacks what it doesn't understand or agrees with. This is why people have a hard time being honest with others and themselves, even when they, themselves, are the victim (for lack of a better word). If we can see people for who they truly are, and not what society believes them to be, then we can assure those struggling that, in all honesty, they are loved, and when they are overwhelmed by the struggles of life, then we are there to help lift the burdens.

4. Ultimately, we need to pray. We need to pray that our young men and women know that not only do we care for them, but so does our loving God, and He, too, ultimately wants what's best for them. We need to pray that they know that there is nothing too big we can't handle with the power and assistance of our God. And we need to pray that all those who are contemplating suicide have the courage to seek help from God and others, so that they may come to realize that what is frustrating them now is only passing, and life can be and will be better. We need to pray for peace in their lives - and, as I've said before, not simply the peace that makes us "happy", but the peace the world cannot give, the peace which ultimately comes from God alone --- the peace which helps us to endure and endeavor.

I'm no psychologist - I freely admit that. However, more and more people these days seem to be suffering from "survivor's guilt", including myself. Many of us know of a person who has committed suicide, and it's important for us not to enter into the guilt that comes along with the frustration of the situation and the trying to understand what draws a person to take this sad action. The guilt will trap us in a cycle of not knowing that peace of God; the guilt will always make us second-guess what we could have done to help. 

In moments such as these, there are a lot of "woulda-coulda-shoulda" in conversations and personal reflections. As Christians, as people who believe in the mercy of God, it's important for us to not be stoics in our approach to the situation, but to recognize the difficulty we are all facing, including the difficulties that led our loved one to choose the taking of his / her life. It's important and necessary to enter into an honest conversation with each other, and with God. It's important and necessary to recognize the range of emotions we're going through, making those known to family and friends and, yes, even God.

Though not wanting to sound like a broken record or even cliche as a Catholic priest, but, in all honesty, the best thing we can do is pray: pray for the situation, pray for the individual who took his / her own life, pray for the mercy of God, pray for the gift of God's peace. We pray as Christians (or people of faith, in general) because it is in our prayer that we come to recognize our only hope truly is in God.

"What should we do?" Support our young people, making known to them our encouragement, assistance and confidence.

"What should we do?" Teach our young people to value and believe in the good relationships in their lives. Teach them to develop a good, strong, and true relationship with God.

"What should we do?" Love others. Be compassionate. 

"What should we do?" Pray, hope, and trust in the mercy and love of our God.

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Enjoy the journey . . .